In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is a series of treatments a woman undergoes where mature eggs are retrieved from her ovaries, fertilized by sperm in a lab, then the fertilized egg (embryo) is transferred to her uterus. One full cycle of IVF takes about three weeks and costs roughly $12-14k. 

In this article, we’ll cover some of the symptoms that might pop up during IVF and how therapy can help:

Challenges you might experience with IVF

Fertility stress

If you’re considering IVF or currently undergoing it, then you know the journey toward IVF can be stressful. Couples who pursue IVF often have some form of fertility or health-related complication whether it’s blocked Fallopian tubes, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), irregular cycles, low sperm count, other male infertility challenges, etc. which may also add to the stress experienced throughout the process.

Before choosing IVF, couples have usually been trying to conceive naturally for at least 12 months, if not much longer, to no avail. This can be draining and frustrating on its own. And while IVF is a hopeful option for many women and couples, it is still a complicated process of researching doctors, understanding the success rates (studies rate a success rate of 20-55% depending on age), and navigating symptoms and emotions.

Same-sex couples are also more likely to consider IVF when family planning and may face societal, legal and logistical challenges.

Relationship tension 

Couples who pursue IVF are more likely to experience relationship stress. However, this is not the case for all couples and can be avoided with appropriate coping methods in place (like therapy!) 

Keep in mind it’s normal and natural for couples to experience more tension given fertility journeys can be a challenging time in the relationship. But, tension doesn’t have to mean anything negative about the relationship, and oftentimes, couples come out the other side stronger than ever before. 

Pursuing IVF as a team can make all the difference. For partners of the birthing person who are reading this, it can make all the difference to be a present and supportive partner.

Hormonal changes and physical symptoms 

The IVF process typically requires an injection of hormones to retrieve multiple mature eggs, which can result in uncomfortable physical symptoms, including headaches, hot flashes, blurred vision, nausea, and bloating. It can also lead to swelling or bruising at the injection site, irritability, breast tenderness, and in the case of conception can result in multiple births or ectopic pregnancies. 

The hormone injection can lead to emotional symptoms similar to PMS symptoms (irritability, heightened emotions, and tenderness) and sometimes they’re more intense than what a woman regularly experiences in her cycle.

If you are neurodivergent, you may be especially sensitive to shifts in your hormones so getting the right support and offering yourself compassion is key.

Uncertainty about the IVF process or outcome

When considering or undergoing IVF, uncertainty shows up in multiple places. First, there’s the questions around understanding, accessing and paying for IVF. Then, there’s the psychological stress of undergoing medical procedures and the uncertainty of whether the treatments will be successful and result in a healthy conception. As we mentioned above, studies show a range of success rates anywhere from 20-55% depending on the woman’s age which means IVF is both a medical and financial risk without certain outcomes.

Religious, spiritual or identity-based trauma

And last, for some people, the journey to IVF carries an additional layer that rarely gets named in fertility conversations: the weight of religious or spiritual history. If you grew up in a faith community that didn't affirm your identity — as a queer person, a single parent, a person who diverges from prescribed family structures in any way — that history may also surface in the quiet moments between appointments or show up as grief at family events. It may even present itself as a small voice telling you to doubt your decision to undergo IVF.

While the voice of trauma is usually not the truth, it is real, and it deserves care.

Spiritual and religious trauma is a legitimate form of harm. It can shape how worthy you feel of building the family you want. Finding support from someone who understands this specific intersection, faith, identity, and the grief that comes with it, can make a quiet but profound difference in how you move through the process of bringing a baby into your life.

How therapy or counseling can help during IVF 

Now that we’ve covered some of the not-so-great elements of IVF, we can dive into ways to cope and explore the more positive side of IVF: the journey toward conceiving! 

Here’s a few key ways that therapy can help on this journey:

Explore thoughts and emotions with an objective third-party 

As the person undergoing IVF (or the partner) it can be incredibly helpful to explore your feelings in a safe place away from your romantic partner. While it’s wonderful to lean on your partner, family, and friends for support, it’s also helpful to have an objective third-party to take your emotions, especially if the people in your life aren’t able to fully support you in this season or just simply aren't equipped. 

There’s no shame in seeking outside support; in fact, it can be a huge benefit not only feel your best, but to also show up as your best self for your partner.

Create a safe space for your emotions 

IVF is a season of uncertainty. Emotions can be up and down, and it can be hard to remain positive at times. Having a trained therapist on your support team can make all the difference. Your therapist will help you walk through all the emotions that come up and help you get safely to the other side feeling more empowered and trusting in the process. 

Heal relationship tension and boosting empathy and communication

Remember that relationship tension we mentioned? Therapy, whether it’s solo or coupled, can help you cope with any unwanted tension, find resolution faster, and move forward stronger together.

Learn coping skills for physical changes and stress

The physical element of IVF can make it harder to cope with emotions. If you’re not feeling physically your best, it’s that much easier to feel emotionally worn out. Therapy gives you an outlet to process everything you’re feeling. And while your therapist can’t do anything to make physical discomfort go away, they can help you manage the stress of it better.

How to find a therapist to support your IVF journey

People who pursue therapy tend to have outstanding results. As we wrote in our article comparing therapy modalities, it doesn’t matter as much what modality you choose (cognitive-behavioral, etc), however it does matter that you feel a safe connection with your therapist. Read our tips for finding the right therapist for you. 

Resources before, during, and after IVF

• Grab a book off Divergently’s curated fertility and pregnancy reading list.
• In-depth guide on the IVF process.
• The Path2Parenthood organization provides resources for anyone whose path to parenthood falls outside the mainstream.
• Find a therapist on Psychology Today, Therapy Den, Good Therapy, or OpenPath Collective, an organization offering lower-cost therapy options.
• Reclamation Collective offers resources and support groups specifically for people healing from religious trauma or spiritual abuse — a meaningful resource if your faith history is part of what you're carrying into this season.